Last week, I was asked if I’d been to counseling before. I replied that yes, I have done it on and off for over 25 years with counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists. I was then asked if it worked and I answered honestly… no, I don’t think it worked. It may have helped a little in the moment, but didn’t have long term results. Then I was asked why I kept going…
Here’s my answer.
I kept going because I needed help and support, and counseling was the only thing offered!
In the moment, I felt like if I turned it down, then I was being seen as ungrateful or not really needing the help at all.
To illustrate my point, I’ll go back a number of years when I was dealing with two kids with chronic illness, I was working part time, and running a household as a single parent. I had some informal supports, but I was falling apart. I was dealing with way too much and something had to give. I had a meeting at my kids’ school and the only support they offered was sessions with their parent wellbeing officer, ie counseling. This was yet another appointment, another thing I had to do, but I said yes and it was made clear to me that this would be in the best interests of my kids… the person I spoke with was lovely, however nothing changed. What I really needed was practical supports such as meals being cooked so that task was off my shoulders, along with financial support so I could reduce my work hours so I wasn’t juggling work, kids at part time school, medical appointments and more. The only supports I was offered was counseling.
This is not the only time this has happened…
Along with not giving me the supports I need, so much of the counseling seemed to imply there was something wrong with me and that I needed to change and work harder… and I tried, I really did, however this was not the support that I needed.
I keep going to counseling as I live in the hope that, one day, it will actually lead to the right supports. So far, it hasn’t happened… maybe I’m an eternal optimist that I hope it will help, or maybe I still live with a fear that I need to been seen to wanting help and support… and so I keep going…
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