Given that we’re living through a pandemic, when most people hear the term ‘masking’, they think about wearing face masks. They think that ‘unmasking’ is taking those masks off.
When it comes to AuDHD masking, it’s a different beast. When I talk about masking in this context, it’s something that a lot of us do in order to fit in, and this can look different to different people.
Since I was diagnosed last year, I’ve been working hard to understand my brain, and this includes unmasking.
In some groups I’m in, people show photos of them masked and unmasked. In these pictures, the unmasked image often shows brightly coloured hair, tattoos, piercings, and bright clothes. These things scream sensory overload to me and made me think that I couldn’t possibly unmask.
The more I understand my brain, the more I realise that unmasking isn’t necessarily about making changes to my appearance, though I have been wearing more clothes that I find more comfortable. It’s deeper than that.
It’s about acknowledging difficulties I have with the housework and getting assistance.
It’s about realising that the physical pain in my body isn’t ‘normal’ and to see the doctor to get treatment.
It’s about acknowledging that many things I have dealt with in my life were not my fault.
It’s seeing that I am not responsible for the thoughts, feelings, and actions of those around me.
It’s about seeing that I am amazing just the way I am and I don’t have to change my whole personality to fit in, I will find my people.
It’s about spending more time curled up with a book as that is what I need to regulate.
It’s about much more than changing what is on the outside.
It’s also about unmasking parts of me that others will never see. It’s those parts of me that I have had masked even to myself.
And this is a process.
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