I thought I would share my story. Please remember, I was undiagnosed autistic & ADHD, though was diagnosed with post-natal depression (PND) when my first was three months old, and again with the second when he was only a few weeks old.

I had grown up around breastfeeding women. My mum was a member of Nursing Mother’s, now the Australian Breastfeeding Association. My Aunt worked for them. There was no doubt in my mind that I would breastfeed my kids.

I was pretty lucky with both of my babies. They seemed to come out looking for a feed and we didn’t have issues with milk supply, latching, or anything like that. I had a couple of bouts of mastitis, but nothing major. I can only remember one time it was particularly painful, and that was easily fixed.

I was more frustrated when breastfeeding counsellors and the health nurse would talk about sensations of letdown. This is where the hind milk came down, the milk with all the good stuff in it. I never felt that and thought I was doing something wrong, though the kids seemed well fed and were growing like weeds.

When I was admitted to hospital for PND after my second was born, I fought to keep feeding as they wanted to put me on medication that meant I would have to stop. Honestly, if I had to stop before he was a month old, that would have had a major impact on my mental health as, at that time, I felt like the fact I could feed my child was the only thing that was working right then. Not to mention having to worry about formula and bottles when I was barely keeping on top of the most basic of housework (I didn’t know about executive dysfunction then).

I didn’t particularly love breastfeeding. I never had the blissful feeling described in the magazines and parenting books, but it was something that was fairly easy and I knew I had fed my child. I could also feed wherever, though both me and my babies hated wraps or anything to cover them when they fed. I was even on a TV current affairs program with my first when he was around 10 months to show that most people didn’t really care about feeding in public (that’s another story).

Breastfeeding was fine for me, it was something that I knew was part of being a parent…

Then I got pregnant with my second while still feeding my first.

Breastfeeding and pregnancy was not fun at all for me, however my child still wanted to feed. I had many phone calls with the breastfeeding counsellor on strategies to help him wean, at the same time investigating tandem feeding in case he refused to stop. Thankfully, he did wean, thanks to things like watching The Simpsons while feeding as he wanted to watch at the same time (he was 18 months old & liked the colours & noise).

The biggest issue I had with breastfeeding was a sensory overwhelm of being touched all the time. I didn’t know anything about sensory overload at the time, and I believe the feelings of being ‘touched out’ had a major impact on my mental health as well as my marriage. Honestly, by the end of the day, I had had enough of being touch, especially when I had a toddler and a baby. Breastfeeding was an easy way to feed my child, however it meant I was constantly being touched. Then, when my husband came home and wanted a hug, or more, I was ‘touched out’ and he took it as a personal rejection, even when I tried to explain it wasn’t personal, I simply didn’t want anyone touching me.

From talking to others in groups about their experiences of breastfeeding, the fact that was easy for me was a blessing. My babies latched on without difficulty and I had a good supply, however the sensory issues were a thing I didn’t realise at the time.

I am also grateful I was able to breastfeed as the idea of managing formula and bottles (quite apart from the cost) was stressful!

If you would like to, share your experiences of being an undiagnosed autistic and/or ADHD mother and breastfeeding.

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I was also an undiagnosed autistic and ADHD parent. When that boy was 20 years old, I received my diagnosis, and his younger brother was 18.

I navigated 20 years of parenting not knowing I was AuDHD, and it was tough.

This is something that not many people talk about.

There is a lot about parenting autistic and ADHD children and how to provide for them, but not a lot around what it’s like being an autistic and/or ADHD parent, and if there is information, it’s assuming that you are diagnosed already.

Since my diagnosis, I have been looking back over my life, especially the years of parenting and the impact it had on me, how it shaped my outlook on life and parenting. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Some things are downright painful, especially when I think how hard I tried to parent in a neurotypical way, following all the ‘rules’ that were set out by various experts – health nurses, school teachers, magazines, books, and so much more.

Some are complete joy, such as discovering things like lizards, pirates, dinosaurs, Rubiks cube, and so much more as my kids were going through their various special interests.

Some things are confusing, even now.

For a while, I have complained that no one is speaking about this, then it hit me… I’m not speaking about it either!

I figured that I have this blog, this place on the Internet where I can share things, so why not start here.

My dream, eventually, is to write a memoir about it all, until then, this is my story. I will refer to others in my life, often by an initial only, but, as much as it’s my story, they are part of it.

Please, join with me, ask any questions, and you’re welcome to share your own stories in the comments too.

I should also mention, the information won’t be in any particular order, things will be posted as I think of them or a memory pops up.

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