Autism Archives - There's a J In there... Somewhere! https://theresajinthere.com/tag/autism/ A blog about all sorts of things! Thu, 06 Mar 2025 23:09:53 +0000 en-US hourly 1 224638239 Bookshelves help me regulate… https://theresajinthere.com/2025/03/07/bookshelves-help-me-regulate/ https://theresajinthere.com/2025/03/07/bookshelves-help-me-regulate/#respond Thu, 06 Mar 2025 23:09:50 +0000 https://theresajinthere.com/?p=1125 I am in the process of packing everything to move house. That is dysregulating at the best of times, however I have found something interesting...

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I am in the process of packing everything to move house. That is dysregulating at the best of times, however I have found something interesting over the past week.

One of the first things I started doing was packing up my bookshelves. As much as I love being surrounded by books, I don’t use them every day, so they were the easiest things to pack.

I have found it surprising how dysregulating this is.

Even simply sitting watching TV isn’t what it was as the shelves under it are empty of books!

I am realising that books and being surrounded them is part of what makes my space safe for me.

Having bookshelves overflowing with books, some I haven’t read yet, others I have read numerous times, ones I have read once and probably won’t read again, is regulating for me.

These books give me comfort, they make my space a home.

Being surrounded by books is my happy place.

I can’t cope with some bookshops where there is little space between shelves or they are dark and feel claustrophobic for me, but I like being surrounded by books in bookshops and libraries.

Looking around my space that is littered with packed boxes and empty bookshelves is incredibly dysregulating and I can’t wait to be in my new place and arranging those books on my shelves and making the space my home.

This is also something I think I knew in the back of my head, but didn’t have the words for before…

Living in a space with bookshelves is what I need. When I ask if a house has enough room for my bookshelves, it’s not just me joking about how many bookshelves I have, it’s actually important!

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My Breastfeeding Story https://theresajinthere.com/2025/01/28/my-breastfeeding-story/ https://theresajinthere.com/2025/01/28/my-breastfeeding-story/#respond Tue, 28 Jan 2025 04:46:31 +0000 https://theresajinthere.com/?p=1096 Over the weekend, I saw a reel on Instagram from Toren Wolf’s mother talking about her experience with breastfeeding. You can see the reel here....

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Over the weekend, I saw a reel on Instagram from Toren Wolf’s mother talking about her experience with breastfeeding. You can see the reel here.

I thought I would share my story. Please remember, I was undiagnosed autistic & ADHD, though was diagnosed with post-natal depression (PND) when my first was three months old, and again with the second when he was only a few weeks old.

I had grown up around breastfeeding women. My mum was a member of Nursing Mother’s, now the Australian Breastfeeding Association. My Aunt worked for them. There was no doubt in my mind that I would breastfeed my kids.

I was pretty lucky with both of my babies. They seemed to come out looking for a feed and we didn’t have issues with milk supply, latching, or anything like that. I had a couple of bouts of mastitis, but nothing major. I can only remember one time it was particularly painful, and that was easily fixed.

I was more frustrated when breastfeeding counsellors and the health nurse would talk about sensations of letdown. This is where the hind milk came down, the milk with all the good stuff in it. I never felt that and thought I was doing something wrong, though the kids seemed well fed and were growing like weeds.

When I was admitted to hospital for PND after my second was born, I fought to keep feeding as they wanted to put me on medication that meant I would have to stop. Honestly, if I had to stop before he was a month old, that would have had a major impact on my mental health as, at that time, I felt like the fact I could feed my child was the only thing that was working right then. Not to mention having to worry about formula and bottles when I was barely keeping on top of the most basic of housework (I didn’t know about executive dysfunction then).

I didn’t particularly love breastfeeding. I never had the blissful feeling described in the magazines and parenting books, but it was something that was fairly easy and I knew I had fed my child. I could also feed wherever, though both me and my babies hated wraps or anything to cover them when they fed. I was even on a TV current affairs program with my first when he was around 10 months to show that most people didn’t really care about feeding in public (that’s another story).

Breastfeeding was fine for me, it was something that I knew was part of being a parent…

Then I got pregnant with my second while still feeding my first.

Breastfeeding and pregnancy was not fun at all for me, however my child still wanted to feed. I had many phone calls with the breastfeeding counsellor on strategies to help him wean, at the same time investigating tandem feeding in case he refused to stop. Thankfully, he did wean, thanks to things like watching The Simpsons while feeding as he wanted to watch at the same time (he was 18 months old & liked the colours & noise).

The biggest issue I had with breastfeeding was a sensory overwhelm of being touched all the time. I didn’t know anything about sensory overload at the time, and I believe the feelings of being ‘touched out’ had a major impact on my mental health as well as my marriage. Honestly, by the end of the day, I had had enough of being touch, especially when I had a toddler and a baby. Breastfeeding was an easy way to feed my child, however it meant I was constantly being touched. Then, when my husband came home and wanted a hug, or more, I was ‘touched out’ and he took it as a personal rejection, even when I tried to explain it wasn’t personal, I simply didn’t want anyone touching me.

From talking to others in groups about their experiences of breastfeeding, the fact that was easy for me was a blessing. My babies latched on without difficulty and I had a good supply, however the sensory issues were a thing I didn’t realise at the time.

I am also grateful I was able to breastfeed as the idea of managing formula and bottles (quite apart from the cost) was stressful!

If you would like to, share your experiences of being an undiagnosed autistic and/or ADHD mother and breastfeeding.

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I was an undiagnosed AuDHD parent https://theresajinthere.com/2025/01/27/i-was-an-undiagnosed-audhd-parent/ https://theresajinthere.com/2025/01/27/i-was-an-undiagnosed-audhd-parent/#respond Mon, 27 Jan 2025 04:00:24 +0000 https://theresajinthere.com/?p=1093 Back in January 2002, I became a parent for the first time. I had a gorgeous baby boy. I was also an undiagnosed autistic and...

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Back in January 2002, I became a parent for the first time. I had a gorgeous baby boy.

I was also an undiagnosed autistic and ADHD parent. When that boy was 20 years old, I received my diagnosis, and his younger brother was 18.

I navigated 20 years of parenting not knowing I was AuDHD, and it was tough.

This is something that not many people talk about.

There is a lot about parenting autistic and ADHD children and how to provide for them, but not a lot around what it’s like being an autistic and/or ADHD parent, and if there is information, it’s assuming that you are diagnosed already.

Since my diagnosis, I have been looking back over my life, especially the years of parenting and the impact it had on me, how it shaped my outlook on life and parenting. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Some things are downright painful, especially when I think how hard I tried to parent in a neurotypical way, following all the ‘rules’ that were set out by various experts – health nurses, school teachers, magazines, books, and so much more.

Some are complete joy, such as discovering things like lizards, pirates, dinosaurs, Rubiks cube, and so much more as my kids were going through their various special interests.

Some things are confusing, even now.

For a while, I have complained that no one is speaking about this, then it hit me… I’m not speaking about it either!

I figured that I have this blog, this place on the Internet where I can share things, so why not start here.

My dream, eventually, is to write a memoir about it all, until then, this is my story. I will refer to others in my life, often by an initial only, but, as much as it’s my story, they are part of it.

Please, join with me, ask any questions, and you’re welcome to share your own stories in the comments too.

I should also mention, the information won’t be in any particular order, things will be posted as I think of them or a memory pops up.

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Christmas Day Reflections https://theresajinthere.com/2024/12/26/christmas-day-reflections/ https://theresajinthere.com/2024/12/26/christmas-day-reflections/#respond Thu, 26 Dec 2024 11:15:40 +0000 https://theresajinthere.com/?p=1083 I have never enjoyed Christmas Day. It’s been a day of people, food, noise, and food I don’t enjoy. It’s always been a struggle for...

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I have never enjoyed Christmas Day. It’s been a day of people, food, noise, and food I don’t enjoy. It’s always been a struggle for me.

Over the last few years, I’ve realised how much of that is because I’m autistic and ADHD.

The complexity of the noise, the unfamiliar food, change of routine, being in a house that is not my own, having to have my mask firmly in place to be social and look like I’m having fun, it’s all exhausting.

A couple of days ago, I saw a post on social media talking about how all those traditions are important to someone, and it got me thinking.

I don’t enjoy Christmas day, one of the best was a few years ago when my kid and I spent the day building Lego instead of joining the extended family. However, all those traditions are important to my parents, especially to my mum. She loves having the family there and feeding all of us, and having us there for presents.

It’s also one of the few times I see my brother and his girlfriend as they live on the other side of the state to me.

Because the day is important to someone else, I make the effort to go down to be with the family.

I did a few things to accommodate myself.

I don’t drink, so I brought some alcohol-free wine to drink. I only ate what I wanted from the buffet. When I felt fatigue overcome me, a sure sign of a meltdown, I quietly went to a bedroom to lie down. I had a book with me and had some time reading to recharge. I also went home again in the evening rather than staying there for a few days.

I have also spent today, Boxing Day, hibernating and not talking to anyone much.

This is what I have needed to get through Christmas Day, when my ideal would be having a quiet day at home.

It is important to accommodate the needs of others, especially those I love.

For one day, I will allow myself to be uncomfortable and overwhelmed in order to make others comfortable.

It’s one day in the year.

For the next couple of days, I will be resting, hibernating, and recharging.

I also know that my family enjoyed the day and appreciated having me there, and that is important too.

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Review: Aspergirls https://theresajinthere.com/2024/08/07/review-aspergirls/ https://theresajinthere.com/2024/08/07/review-aspergirls/#comments Wed, 07 Aug 2024 08:39:42 +0000 https://theresajinthere.com/?p=1042 Author: Rudy Simone Category: Non-Fiction Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publication date: July 15, 2010 Blurb: Girls with Asperger’s Syndrome are less frequently diagnosed than boys, & even once symptoms have been...

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Author: Rudy Simone

Category: Non-Fiction

Publisher: Jessica Kingsley

Publication date: July 15, 2010

Blurb: Girls with Asperger’s Syndrome are less frequently diagnosed than boys, & even once symptoms have been recognized, help is often not readily available. The image of coping well presented by AS females can often mask difficulties, deficits, challenges, & loneliness.

Review: This was such a mixed book, part memoir, part not. I really wanted to love it as the first few chapters left me feeling really excited, but it seemed to lose its way part way through.

I wasn’t sure who this book was aimed at. At the end of each chapter, the book had a section for ‘aspergirls’ and another for parents. These bits of advice seemed quite preachy and unnecessary. As far as being for someone who is late diagnosed, much of the advice seemed to miss the mark.

This was book was just OK. It was an easy read, however took me a while as it lost me part way through.

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AuDHD and Faith… https://theresajinthere.com/2024/07/26/audhd-and-faith/ https://theresajinthere.com/2024/07/26/audhd-and-faith/#respond Fri, 26 Jul 2024 08:22:22 +0000 https://theresajinthere.com/?p=1007 Earlier this month, I did a post about how I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I have been mulling a lot about my faith and...

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Earlier this month, I did a post about how I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

I have been mulling a lot about my faith and what it looks like through an AuDHD lens (along with most of my life pre-diagnosis). I have been reading some articles online and quite unimpressed by what I’ve read so far. Many are based on stereotypes and don’t reflect my experience at all, after all, I’ve always been AuDHD, even if I didn’t know it at the time…

I have realised I’m in a privileged position growing up. My family didn’t align strictly to any denomination, and I was brought up to read the Bible and question the teaching from ministers. My dad and other members of the family actively encouraged discussion and exploration around faith issues, so I wasn’t brought up blindly following any particular teaching.

When I was a kid, my parents pretty much took over the family service at church and put in a lot of work. There was a focus on simply telling the stories rather than adding a message or reading more into the stories than was on the page… there wasn’t much moralising in the teaching I was brought up with.

My faith is fairly simple, it’s also based on teaching and exploration.

Right now, I don’t belong to a particular church, for a variety of reasons, that doesn’t mean I don’t still have a faith.

I really want to explore aspects of my faith, and I haven’t found anywhere to do that… yet anyway. Until I find somewhere, I’m going to share reflections here from time to time, as with anything else I post here.

If there’s anything you’re particularly interested in hearing about, feel free to offer some suggestions.

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Business reflections… https://theresajinthere.com/2024/07/13/business-reflections/ https://theresajinthere.com/2024/07/13/business-reflections/#respond Sat, 13 Jul 2024 10:26:42 +0000 https://theresajinthere.com/?p=993 Every now and then, I look back on my life and wonder how it took so long to realise I’m AuDHD… Back in 2002, I...

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Every now and then, I look back on my life and wonder how it took so long to realise I’m AuDHD…

Back in 2002, I started a business. It was the first mums in business network in Australia. I started it because I couldn’t find support to start a business so I could be home with my then 6-month-old baby. I had no idea what I wanted to do, but I knew I wanted to work from home so I could earn money and be home with my kid.

In the 9 or so years I ran this business, I was also a consultant for a scrapbooking company, teaching people how to make scrapbooks, I did market stalls selling goods made by people in the network (I said it was part of business…), I also made jewellery and played around with selling it online. In essence, I couldn’t decide on just one thing to do!

I would think that I’m doing these things to help make more money to pay the bills… that everything was helping the family to stay afloat. Yes, I was in survival mode even then.

The fact that I couldn’t stick to just one thing should have been an indicator that I was ADHD…

I worked really hard to grow my business, to follow all the ‘advice’ out there and follow their lead. It didn’t work. I ended up burned out and by the time I was told I had to ‘get a job’ because I was a single mum, I was kind of glad to close the business and get a job.

Even when I got a job, that is when I got back to creative writing… but that’s another post.

This business reflection is another thing I look back on and ask why it took so long to realise I’m AuDHD.

Oh, and I still can’t settle on just one business idea!

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Holiday at home… https://theresajinthere.com/2024/07/12/holiday-at-home/ https://theresajinthere.com/2024/07/12/holiday-at-home/#respond Fri, 12 Jul 2024 11:17:06 +0000 https://theresajinthere.com/?p=996 One of my favourite holidays growing up was a holiday at home. My parents made a big deal to everyone about how we were going...

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One of my favourite holidays growing up was a holiday at home.

My parents made a big deal to everyone about how we were going away, I think it was for a week. One evening, we were all packed into the car and drove around. I think we stopped at McDonald’s for dinner, which was a huge treat. Us kids kept asking where our luggage was, if we were going on holiday. Mum and dad made excuses before we drove around and pulled back into our driveway.

It was explained that we were on holiday and everyone thought we were away. This meant that we didn’t have to see people or do the things we would normally do, although we were able to play with the neighbour’s kids as we would play with local kids if were away.

The week was pretty quiet. We hung around at home, read books, went on a few outings. There weren’t the phone calls or visitors that we would normally have.

Looking back, I wonder if mum and dad felt bad we weren’t going away somewhere fancy, and if money was tight so taking a family of 6 away was more than they could afford at the time. But this holiday lives in my memory as one that was relaxing and peaceful.

Knowing what I know now about autism and ADHD, I wonder if the fact I was still sleeping in my own bed, in my own room, was a big part of why I enjoyed it. I was in familiar surroundings, and the peace of not having people around all the time made it peaceful… I could read my book without feeling like I had to be somewhere.

I don’t remember much about what we actually did during that week, but I do remember that it was a great holiday.

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I am Fearfully and Wonderfully Made… https://theresajinthere.com/2024/07/04/i-am-fearfully-and-wonderfully-made/ https://theresajinthere.com/2024/07/04/i-am-fearfully-and-wonderfully-made/#comments Thu, 04 Jul 2024 01:53:23 +0000 https://theresajinthere.com/?p=980 In a group I’m in, someone posted a link to an article ‘How should a Christian view ADD and ADHD?’ I grew up Christian. My...

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In a group I’m in, someone posted a link to an article ‘How should a Christian view ADD and ADHD?’

I grew up Christian. My parents were missionaries. I’ve been a member of churches of various denominations my whole life, apart from the last few year.

Here’s my take on being AuDHD and a Christian. It’s simple.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made!

God made me, just as he made everyone else. One message I got growing up is that God has a plan, even if we don’t understand it, and we are all wonderfully made.

I was also brought up to question the Bible and interpretations of it. To look at the Bible critically and look at things like the context it was written and who it was speaking to.

So many of the articles above come across as judgemental and not helpful (other than the fact that there is no date and the use of ADD is out dated). They look at the usual things that we already beat ourselves up about, instead of looking at the fact that God made us and made us special and perfect just the way we are.

I know that I struggle to believe this myself at times, decades of messages telling me that I’ve fallen short is hard to shake, but it still comes down to the fact that my brain is wired to to be AuDHD, and it has been since before I was born, and that is simply part of who I am, who I was made to be.

There are so many verses about how we are wonderfully made, how God made us who we are while we were in our mothers’ womb, about how we are created in the image of God. Those are the verses I hold on to.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. While I was still in the womb, God knew me and made me precious. AuDHD and all.

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Being Blindfolded https://theresajinthere.com/2024/07/02/being-blindfolded/ https://theresajinthere.com/2024/07/02/being-blindfolded/#respond Tue, 02 Jul 2024 09:34:10 +0000 https://theresajinthere.com/?p=1021 I have always hated being blindfolded. When I was a teenager, there was a youth group activity where people took it in turns to be...

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I have always hated being blindfolded.

When I was a teenager, there was a youth group activity where people took it in turns to be blindfolded, then were guided to do a series of activities. The idea of this freaked me out and I sat out. I was teased by others in youth group, though the leaders respected my preference and didn’t force me to do the activity. I don’t know what all the things were as I didn’t do it… it was also one of those moments when I felt like I should be able to take part and enjoy the evening, but I really didn’t.

There was a work ‘trust’ exercise at one point where people had to be blindfolded, and once again, I felt a complete sense of panic and refused to participate. This time, however, I was told by the trainers I was ‘letting the team down’ and I obviously didn’t trust my workmates. Honestly, trusting them wasn’t the issue.

Even games like pin the tail on the donkey left me feeling anxious.

I used to think my dislike of being blindfolded was to do with a feeling of being out of control. I hated the feeling of not knowing where my body was.

Recently, I learned about proprioception.

I wonder how much of the fact I hate being blindfolded comes down to poor proprioception. How much is that I don’t know where my body is in relation to the world around me that if I can’t see that world, the feeling totally freaks me out and I get all discombobulated. I already struggle to work out where my body is in relation to the world, one reason I keep bumping myself on things, however, take away being able to see things and it makes life even harder.

All my life, I have been given a hard time for not wanting to be blindfolded. Now I know I’m AuDHD, and learning about my brain, I am learning that I’m not all that weird. It also appears that not participating in activities where I am blindfolded was one time I set boundaries and stood up for my needs, even though I didn’t understand why I felt that way.

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