There are a few movies where the elder has passed away before the movie starts and imparts their wisdom in a number of ways including notebooks, cookbooks, or even a will! In these cases, the wisdom can be a key part of the story (such as leaving a will where the main characters must come together in a common goal, giving the platform for them to meet and fall in love).

The life lesson here is to have elders in your life.

These could be grandparents or simply those who have been there before you, whether it’s parenting, a job, or life in general.

Having elders is important.

Elders can provide a listening ear and advice when needed. They are also great people to give you some hard advice when needed, as well as a tissue and shoulder to cry on when needed to.

In many of the movies, the elder is the one who can tell the main character when they are being silly and need to actually talk to the other person, or be patient. They are also often the one to see what may be obvious to everyone expect the main characters.

In everyday life, elders can play a similar role. They can be someone to talk to when times are tough, as well as celebrate with us when things are going well, and generally provide some guidance when needed.

Elders are important, no matter how old you are. And if you get the opportunity to be an elder to someone else, it’s a wonderful role to play.

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I have had people say this to me when I’m struggling to function in a high-pressure environment. Instead of it turning me into a ‘diamond’, I ended up burning out, but still pushing through as that is what I have been told I should be doing…

On the other hand, I’ve been watching a lot of ‘Great British Bake Off’ lately and bread rises when it rests.

There was an episode I saw the other night where the judges commented that the bread wasn’t ‘proved’ enough, meaning it hadn’t rested for long enough to become what it was meant to be.

I know that I don’t function well under pressure, I need a lot of rest. This week, I’m taking time off and I am already feeling a lot calmer, saner, and my brain is slowing down.

I’m learning that I’m a loaf of bread, not a diamond.

I need to be more like bread…

Be more like bread…

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I’ve been reflecting on this lately, wondering where the messages that I’m somehow not good enough come from.

Recently, it hit me…

At school, my ‘worth’ was based on my grades. No matter how hard I worked on something, someone else would sit there with a red pen and mark them to show me if my work was good enough. If it wasn’t, then I was told to work harder. This was especially difficult in more creative subjects. In ones like maths, it was simple, there was a right and wrong answer, however for essays, for example, it was harder.

It was the same at university.

It didn’t matter that I love learning. It didn’t matter that I was trying my hardest. All that mattered was the mark on the assessment, on the reports that went home. If those numbers weren’t high enough, I wasn’t good enough.

At work, I was told by someone else if I was good enough at the job, whether it was in a review or how much I was paid, this was all set by someone else.

When submitting books to publishers, someone else decides if the stories are good enough. I know that whether or not a book is accepted is more than simply the quality of the story, however the RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria) can kick in, telling me I’m not a good enough writer because they don’t want to publish my story, even though I know people love reading them.

In business programs, if I’m not getting the results that the coaches promise, then I get told that I’m not working hard enough, even though I’m pushing myself to burn out. If I decide to listen to my body and do things differently or decide it doesn’t work for me, I get told that I’m not good enough.

Don’t get me started on the messages and ‘advice’ around parenting!

These are just a few examples of how society has told me that I’m not good enough.

If I don’t fit into the box, I’m not good enough.

If I’m struggling, I’m not good enough.

If I don’t do what I’m expected, I’m not good enough.

These are messages that are hard to shake. It’s hard to see that my efforts are enough, because I’ve had decades of messages saying that they’re not.

I’m trying to shake them, to forge my own path, one that suits me. One that has everything around me telling me that I am good enough. It’s hard, really hard… I hope that one day soon, I can leave these messages that I’m not good enough behind and truly see myself for the amazing person that I am.

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One life lesson I’ve learned from romance movies is that there are no original ideas.

In these movies, they all follow pretty much the same formula. Couple meet, fall in love, break up, get back together again, then happily every.

There are also clearly defined tropes – enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, fake relationship, and so on. (Side note: it can be fun picking these).

There are also many common storylines, from a prince or princess trying to escape their ‘arranged’ engagement, to someone running a failing business and the love interest coming in to solve the issue or sell the business, going home to a small town for a family emergency from their high powered job.

So many of these movies fit into these boxes, however they all have their own quirks.

One day, I watched three movies in a row that were almost identical, at least on paper. All three of the movies were set on a background of a bakery and a baking competition. Each had their own features, whether it was the type of competition (a small local one, a TV show), who was the baker, and the various characters.

The lesson here is there are no original ideas, it’s what you do with it that counts.

I see so many authors, especially, but also small business owners, worry that their idea has already been done by someone else. The lesson is to run with your idea and put your own special spin on it.

This can apply to so many areas of life, whether it’s a creative pursuit or starting a business, or even baking and decorating a cake. There may have been others out there doing what you want to do, or are doing, however you can put your own spin on it to help make it your own.

The lesson from romance movies is to do things your way and make whatever it is you your own.

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I have been mulling a lot about my faith and what it looks like through an AuDHD lens (along with most of my life pre-diagnosis). I have been reading some articles online and quite unimpressed by what I’ve read so far. Many are based on stereotypes and don’t reflect my experience at all, after all, I’ve always been AuDHD, even if I didn’t know it at the time…

I have realised I’m in a privileged position growing up. My family didn’t align strictly to any denomination, and I was brought up to read the Bible and question the teaching from ministers. My dad and other members of the family actively encouraged discussion and exploration around faith issues, so I wasn’t brought up blindly following any particular teaching.

When I was a kid, my parents pretty much took over the family service at church and put in a lot of work. There was a focus on simply telling the stories rather than adding a message or reading more into the stories than was on the page… there wasn’t much moralising in the teaching I was brought up with.

My faith is fairly simple, it’s also based on teaching and exploration.

Right now, I don’t belong to a particular church, for a variety of reasons, that doesn’t mean I don’t still have a faith.

I really want to explore aspects of my faith, and I haven’t found anywhere to do that… yet anyway. Until I find somewhere, I’m going to share reflections here from time to time, as with anything else I post here.

If there’s anything you’re particularly interested in hearing about, feel free to offer some suggestions.

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This will simply be a list, along with the platform I watched them on, in case you want to check them out.

For the most part, these are the more cheesy romantic comedies. You have been warned!

• Love Upstream (Prime)
• Summer Prince (Prime)
• Love at the Ranch (Prime)
• Heart of the Manor (Prime)
• Cooking Up Love (Prime)
• A Romance Wedding (Prime)
• Love on the Road (Prime)

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I had a really challenging week last week, resulting in a complete shutdown, and I spent the weekend, and a lot of the week, binge watching romance movies.

One of the main reasons I like them is they are predictable. They follow a formula, and I don’t have to think too much. If I am having a time where my brain isn’t functioning as I want it to, I can still lose myself in one of these movies… plus they have gorgeous scenery that makes for a wonderful escape.

Over the weekend I realised something.

There are actually quite a few life lessons that you can learn from these romantic movies, and they’re not what you may think. It’s not always about meeting ‘the one’, there are others in there too. They may not become apparent if you only watch the occasional movie, or just watch the ads, but when you binge watch them over a few days, you start to recognise them (or maybe it’s my autistic pattern recognition).

I got the idea that this would make a great series for blog post & potentially a book…

Keep an eye on this blog for future posts as I try to sort out the lessons and put them in some semblance of order. Also, if you think this would make a great blog series or book, please let me know. If nothing else, it will be a bit of fun.

Do you like watching those cheesy romantic movies too? What are some of your favouriters, or even favourite settings or tropes?

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For example, I could set a goal to have a certain number of people attend a workshop, however them actually signing up is out of my control. I could have the best program in the world, but there are other factors that may prevent people signing up, and that may mean I don’t achieve that goal. Even though these factors are out of my control, I feel bad that the goal wasn’t achieved, and it unlocks a PDA response that I’m not good enough.

Today, I heard about NICE Goals.

NICE stands for:

N = near term (close enough that it feels real)

I = input based (things you are going to DO)

C = controllable (things you have control over)

E = energising (a goal that lights you up)

I kind of like these ones.

These are short term goals, a timeframe I can actually visualise. As it’s based on me with input and control, these are things I can actually do. Adding to it that it’s something that lights me up, rather than things like SMART goals that involve tasks that drain me of energy (like making lots of phone calls to get people to come to the workshop), it makes it more likely that I’ll do it.

I’ve been thinking about this all day.

For me, a NICE goal can include things like finishing the manuscript of a book, or a round of edits. It’s not about selling a certain number of books or getting reviews, both are things I have no control over.

Reading about NICE goals today has started to change my thinking about goal setting. I already know that I can’t do SMART goals, but I think I’ll give NICE goals a try for a while and see how that goes. It might actually help me get some of the many stories I have sitting unfinished completed!

Thanks to Sam Winch for introducing me to NICE goals.

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Back in 2002, I started a business. It was the first mums in business network in Australia. I started it because I couldn’t find support to start a business so I could be home with my then 6-month-old baby. I had no idea what I wanted to do, but I knew I wanted to work from home so I could earn money and be home with my kid.

In the 9 or so years I ran this business, I was also a consultant for a scrapbooking company, teaching people how to make scrapbooks, I did market stalls selling goods made by people in the network (I said it was part of business…), I also made jewellery and played around with selling it online. In essence, I couldn’t decide on just one thing to do!

I would think that I’m doing these things to help make more money to pay the bills… that everything was helping the family to stay afloat. Yes, I was in survival mode even then.

The fact that I couldn’t stick to just one thing should have been an indicator that I was ADHD…

I worked really hard to grow my business, to follow all the ‘advice’ out there and follow their lead. It didn’t work. I ended up burned out and by the time I was told I had to ‘get a job’ because I was a single mum, I was kind of glad to close the business and get a job.

Even when I got a job, that is when I got back to creative writing… but that’s another post.

This business reflection is another thing I look back on and ask why it took so long to realise I’m AuDHD.

Oh, and I still can’t settle on just one business idea!

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My parents made a big deal to everyone about how we were going away, I think it was for a week. One evening, we were all packed into the car and drove around. I think we stopped at McDonald’s for dinner, which was a huge treat. Us kids kept asking where our luggage was, if we were going on holiday. Mum and dad made excuses before we drove around and pulled back into our driveway.

It was explained that we were on holiday and everyone thought we were away. This meant that we didn’t have to see people or do the things we would normally do, although we were able to play with the neighbour’s kids as we would play with local kids if were away.

The week was pretty quiet. We hung around at home, read books, went on a few outings. There weren’t the phone calls or visitors that we would normally have.

Looking back, I wonder if mum and dad felt bad we weren’t going away somewhere fancy, and if money was tight so taking a family of 6 away was more than they could afford at the time. But this holiday lives in my memory as one that was relaxing and peaceful.

Knowing what I know now about autism and ADHD, I wonder if the fact I was still sleeping in my own bed, in my own room, was a big part of why I enjoyed it. I was in familiar surroundings, and the peace of not having people around all the time made it peaceful… I could read my book without feeling like I had to be somewhere.

I don’t remember much about what we actually did during that week, but I do remember that it was a great holiday.

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