When I arrived, I stood at the door for around 15 minutes. No one came up to speak to me and I didn’t know what was going on. I had a mini meltdown and spent time beating myself up about being overwhelmed, especially as I used to attend networking events all the time, and ran a business network myself! Until a lady came up to see if I was OK. She got me a glass of water and some tissues and chatted until I calmed down. She also walked in with me and helped me meet some people, making the whole thing less scary.

Overall, I am glad I was able to stay, it got me thinking of some tips for organisers of networking events to make their events more inclusive and easier for neurodivergent business owners. Note that these are based on my experiences and not all will apply to everyone.

1. Have someone on the door greeting people – This is something I made sure was at all the events I ran and the best ones I attended also had someone at the door. This was a person who had a job to tick of names, welcome people, hand out goodie bags or information if they were there, as well as letting people know what was happening and where to go.
2. Name tags – this may sound a bit old fashioned or too much like school, however name tags can be really helpful, especially in places that are loud and you may not immediately remember someone’s name or find the place is overwhelming so you forget. Having a simple name tag with the person’s name and business can also help get an idea of who to talk to for those of us who are told to look for a particular person or industry.
3. Drink options – if there is alcohol, have nice non-alcoholic options available and on display in the same way alcoholic are. Not everyone drinks wine for a variety of reasons and a business networking event is not usually a place to get drunk. It can be awkward asking where other drink options are, especially if staff are not obvious.
4. Labels for food – if you are serving food, include labels for what is on offer, including any allergens. Again, it can be awkward asking about allergens, especially if staff are not obvious.
5. Staff working the event – if there are staff working at the event, make it obvious. Whether it’s a simple thing like a name tag, a lanyard or a uniform. This can help attendees find someone if they have any questions about things like food and drink, what is happening on the night, or even directions to the bathroom.
6. Introduce people – keep an eye out for people on the fringes, those who are standing there and not talking to anyone. Go up to them and introduce yourself and bring them in to conversations. If the lady hadn’t stopped to ask how I was, I would have gone home! I’m not great at making the first move, especially in a room of people already talking who seem to know each other.
7. Agenda – having someone keep an eye on timing and letting people know when the formal part of the event is over (so they have permission to leave if needed) is helpful. The agenda doesn’t need to be public, having someone keeping an eye on time and what is happening, and making announcements, can help participants know what is going on.

This is by no means a complete list, however I hope that they may help others when planning networking events to help them be more inclusive. These are things that would have been really helpful for me at the event I went to on Friday night, and these are things that were at events I attended in the past.

Are there things you would add to this list?

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I was one of those kids who found things easy.

I would be taught a concept and understood it, especially if it was something I found interesting. I would then go down a rabbit hole to learn what I could. Back in the 1990s, it wasn’t as easy as it is now.

I would do my best on assignments that didn’t make sense.

The undiagnosed ADHD part of my brain left things to the last minute and, for the most part, I got good marks.

Fitting myself into the box was ‘hard work’.

I was constantly told to ‘work hard’ to get ‘ahead’ or to ‘be successful’.

So I continued to work hard.

I learned skills that didn’t come naturally in order to be paid to do a job. With some of these skills, I mastered them and now I’m good at this particular thing, even if it doesn’t suit my brain.

I work hard.

The flip side to this is something no one expected, not even me.

Because I was told to ‘work hard’ and that this hard work would be valued (it’s not always, but that’s a whole other post), I dismissed or undervalued the things that come easy to me.

Writing a story is easy for me.

Running my writers’ groups is easy for me.

Inspiring kids and others to create is easy for me.

Coming up with creative ideas to do things is easy for me.

Talking about the weird and wonderful things in my head is easy for me.

However, none of these are things that I felt was of any value… simply because it wasn’t ‘hard work’.

Even in my business, I keep overthinking anything that I find easy, thinking that is something that can’t possibly work and bring me success because it’s not ‘hard work’.

I think we need to downplay the ‘hard work’ narrative and let people know that it’s okay to lean in to what is easy. That it’s okay to follow your passions and go a path that brings you joy. And that it’s okay to outsource some of that hard work to someone who finds it easier!

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Author: Rudy Simone

Category: Non-Fiction

Publisher: Jessica Kingsley

Publication date: July 15, 2010

Blurb: Girls with Asperger’s Syndrome are less frequently diagnosed than boys, & even once symptoms have been recognized, help is often not readily available. The image of coping well presented by AS females can often mask difficulties, deficits, challenges, & loneliness.

Review: This was such a mixed book, part memoir, part not. I really wanted to love it as the first few chapters left me feeling really excited, but it seemed to lose its way part way through.

I wasn’t sure who this book was aimed at. At the end of each chapter, the book had a section for ‘aspergirls’ and another for parents. These bits of advice seemed quite preachy and unnecessary. As far as being for someone who is late diagnosed, much of the advice seemed to miss the mark.

This was book was just OK. It was an easy read, however took me a while as it lost me part way through.

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There are a few movies where the elder has passed away before the movie starts and imparts their wisdom in a number of ways including notebooks, cookbooks, or even a will! In these cases, the wisdom can be a key part of the story (such as leaving a will where the main characters must come together in a common goal, giving the platform for them to meet and fall in love).

The life lesson here is to have elders in your life.

These could be grandparents or simply those who have been there before you, whether it’s parenting, a job, or life in general.

Having elders is important.

Elders can provide a listening ear and advice when needed. They are also great people to give you some hard advice when needed, as well as a tissue and shoulder to cry on when needed to.

In many of the movies, the elder is the one who can tell the main character when they are being silly and need to actually talk to the other person, or be patient. They are also often the one to see what may be obvious to everyone expect the main characters.

In everyday life, elders can play a similar role. They can be someone to talk to when times are tough, as well as celebrate with us when things are going well, and generally provide some guidance when needed.

Elders are important, no matter how old you are. And if you get the opportunity to be an elder to someone else, it’s a wonderful role to play.

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I have had people say this to me when I’m struggling to function in a high-pressure environment. Instead of it turning me into a ‘diamond’, I ended up burning out, but still pushing through as that is what I have been told I should be doing…

On the other hand, I’ve been watching a lot of ‘Great British Bake Off’ lately and bread rises when it rests.

There was an episode I saw the other night where the judges commented that the bread wasn’t ‘proved’ enough, meaning it hadn’t rested for long enough to become what it was meant to be.

I know that I don’t function well under pressure, I need a lot of rest. This week, I’m taking time off and I am already feeling a lot calmer, saner, and my brain is slowing down.

I’m learning that I’m a loaf of bread, not a diamond.

I need to be more like bread…

Be more like bread…

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I’ve been reflecting on this lately, wondering where the messages that I’m somehow not good enough come from.

Recently, it hit me…

At school, my ‘worth’ was based on my grades. No matter how hard I worked on something, someone else would sit there with a red pen and mark them to show me if my work was good enough. If it wasn’t, then I was told to work harder. This was especially difficult in more creative subjects. In ones like maths, it was simple, there was a right and wrong answer, however for essays, for example, it was harder.

It was the same at university.

It didn’t matter that I love learning. It didn’t matter that I was trying my hardest. All that mattered was the mark on the assessment, on the reports that went home. If those numbers weren’t high enough, I wasn’t good enough.

At work, I was told by someone else if I was good enough at the job, whether it was in a review or how much I was paid, this was all set by someone else.

When submitting books to publishers, someone else decides if the stories are good enough. I know that whether or not a book is accepted is more than simply the quality of the story, however the RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria) can kick in, telling me I’m not a good enough writer because they don’t want to publish my story, even though I know people love reading them.

In business programs, if I’m not getting the results that the coaches promise, then I get told that I’m not working hard enough, even though I’m pushing myself to burn out. If I decide to listen to my body and do things differently or decide it doesn’t work for me, I get told that I’m not good enough.

Don’t get me started on the messages and ‘advice’ around parenting!

These are just a few examples of how society has told me that I’m not good enough.

If I don’t fit into the box, I’m not good enough.

If I’m struggling, I’m not good enough.

If I don’t do what I’m expected, I’m not good enough.

These are messages that are hard to shake. It’s hard to see that my efforts are enough, because I’ve had decades of messages saying that they’re not.

I’m trying to shake them, to forge my own path, one that suits me. One that has everything around me telling me that I am good enough. It’s hard, really hard… I hope that one day soon, I can leave these messages that I’m not good enough behind and truly see myself for the amazing person that I am.

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One life lesson I’ve learned from romance movies is that there are no original ideas.

In these movies, they all follow pretty much the same formula. Couple meet, fall in love, break up, get back together again, then happily every.

There are also clearly defined tropes – enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, fake relationship, and so on. (Side note: it can be fun picking these).

There are also many common storylines, from a prince or princess trying to escape their ‘arranged’ engagement, to someone running a failing business and the love interest coming in to solve the issue or sell the business, going home to a small town for a family emergency from their high powered job.

So many of these movies fit into these boxes, however they all have their own quirks.

One day, I watched three movies in a row that were almost identical, at least on paper. All three of the movies were set on a background of a bakery and a baking competition. Each had their own features, whether it was the type of competition (a small local one, a TV show), who was the baker, and the various characters.

The lesson here is there are no original ideas, it’s what you do with it that counts.

I see so many authors, especially, but also small business owners, worry that their idea has already been done by someone else. The lesson is to run with your idea and put your own special spin on it.

This can apply to so many areas of life, whether it’s a creative pursuit or starting a business, or even baking and decorating a cake. There may have been others out there doing what you want to do, or are doing, however you can put your own spin on it to help make it your own.

The lesson from romance movies is to do things your way and make whatever it is you your own.

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I have been mulling a lot about my faith and what it looks like through an AuDHD lens (along with most of my life pre-diagnosis). I have been reading some articles online and quite unimpressed by what I’ve read so far. Many are based on stereotypes and don’t reflect my experience at all, after all, I’ve always been AuDHD, even if I didn’t know it at the time…

I have realised I’m in a privileged position growing up. My family didn’t align strictly to any denomination, and I was brought up to read the Bible and question the teaching from ministers. My dad and other members of the family actively encouraged discussion and exploration around faith issues, so I wasn’t brought up blindly following any particular teaching.

When I was a kid, my parents pretty much took over the family service at church and put in a lot of work. There was a focus on simply telling the stories rather than adding a message or reading more into the stories than was on the page… there wasn’t much moralising in the teaching I was brought up with.

My faith is fairly simple, it’s also based on teaching and exploration.

Right now, I don’t belong to a particular church, for a variety of reasons, that doesn’t mean I don’t still have a faith.

I really want to explore aspects of my faith, and I haven’t found anywhere to do that… yet anyway. Until I find somewhere, I’m going to share reflections here from time to time, as with anything else I post here.

If there’s anything you’re particularly interested in hearing about, feel free to offer some suggestions.

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This will simply be a list, along with the platform I watched them on, in case you want to check them out.

For the most part, these are the more cheesy romantic comedies. You have been warned!

• Love Upstream (Prime)
• Summer Prince (Prime)
• Love at the Ranch (Prime)
• Heart of the Manor (Prime)
• Cooking Up Love (Prime)
• A Romance Wedding (Prime)
• Love on the Road (Prime)

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I had a really challenging week last week, resulting in a complete shutdown, and I spent the weekend, and a lot of the week, binge watching romance movies.

One of the main reasons I like them is they are predictable. They follow a formula, and I don’t have to think too much. If I am having a time where my brain isn’t functioning as I want it to, I can still lose myself in one of these movies… plus they have gorgeous scenery that makes for a wonderful escape.

Over the weekend I realised something.

There are actually quite a few life lessons that you can learn from these romantic movies, and they’re not what you may think. It’s not always about meeting ‘the one’, there are others in there too. They may not become apparent if you only watch the occasional movie, or just watch the ads, but when you binge watch them over a few days, you start to recognise them (or maybe it’s my autistic pattern recognition).

I got the idea that this would make a great series for blog post & potentially a book…

Keep an eye on this blog for future posts as I try to sort out the lessons and put them in some semblance of order. Also, if you think this would make a great blog series or book, please let me know. If nothing else, it will be a bit of fun.

Do you like watching those cheesy romantic movies too? What are some of your favouriters, or even favourite settings or tropes?

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