Get a cleaner!

For me, having a cleaner is a game changer. We have someone how comes once a fortnight for an hour. She cleans the bathrooms and vacuums and mops the floors. If I had the funds, I would get her to do more.

As well as having these tasks taken care of, so I don’t have to do them myself, it’s also a great incentive to keep the house tidy, as the tidier the house, the more she can clean.

I used to feel weird for having a cleaner, as I had been given the feeling it was a ‘rich person’ thing and that I should be able to manage it all on my own. However, with working, caring, and trying to keep myself together, I have realised that having a cleaner is not a nice to have, it’s a necessity.

One of my biggest issues, is adding too much to my to do list and this doesn’t help my sense of overwhelm and my executive functioning. Anything I can take off that list and outsource it is a good thing, especially tasks I struggle with, like the housework.

So, for all of you who are autistic, ADHD, or both, and you struggle with housework, this is me giving you permission to invest in a cleaner. Your mental health will thank you. I know mine has.

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I realised this is an issue with so many people, including me. And it seems to be common in the autism & ADHD community.

Things need doing around the house, and we just don’t notice.

We don’t see the dirty socks that need to be put in the washing basket.

We don’t see the bins that need to be emptied.

We don’t notice the dirty mugs on the coffee table that need to be put in the kitchen sink.

We simply don’t notice.

This is where lists help adults as well as children as they remind us what we need to notice, however if something isn’t on that list, we may not notice.

This is also where having a cleaner helps so much, as the cleaner is able to notice things that I don’t, because it’s their job to notice.

As a mum, I used to get really annoyed when my adult children didn’t notice things, same when I was married to their dad, he didn’t notice things that needed doing. I would put things in place to make it easier for them to notice things… like putting a dirty washing basket in their bedroom so they could put those dirty clothes in a tub rather than the one in the laundry… but it was me that noticed that they weren’t noticing!

I know that I struggle to notice things, even as an adult. And when I do notice them, I don’t always have the energy or the executive functioning to do them, so it may seem they go unnoticed…

For example, right now, I notice the sheets that need folding and putting away, I notice the dishes in the sink that need washing, but I know I need to go and have a shower and get dressed first…

The first step to getting anything done is to notice it needs doing.

The next step is the doing, and there are times when the transition from the first to second step is harder than it may appear…

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I have, however, moved many, many times in my life. Moving house is very stressful, and when you add in undiagnosed neurodivergence and chronic illness, this has only added to the stress!

Here are a few things I’ve picked up along the way.

• Make Your Bed – the first thing you do when you get to the new house is make your bed. This was something my Oma told to my parents, and they passed on to me. This has stood me in good stead. Usually, we roll up the bedding and put it in the back of the car so we can make the bed as soon as we arrive. This means that we can just collapse into bed at night, we don’t have to then think about making the bed!
• Kettle and tea making equipment – have a box or basket with the kettle, mugs, teabags, coffee, sugar, and anything else you need to make tea and coffee, both for yourself and any helpers. Again, carry this in your car so that you can have a cuppa during the day while you’re working. This way you don’t have to worry if boxes are being delayed or trying to find mugs when you arrive at the new house. Also include some toilet paper, just in case…
• Pack boxes by room – even if you’re not completely sorting things out, if boxes are packed by room, they can then be put into the rooms at the new house. I find they don’t have to be exact, just labelled per room, and an extra label if it contains fragile things.
• Sort as you pack, and especially as you unpack – often I find sorting things as I pack hard as I don’t always know what I’ll need at the new house… I do some sorting and decluttering as I pack, however I find more happens when I unpack at the other end.
• Outsource the move – whether you get removalists or friends and family to help, don’t try to do it all yourself. Moving is a big job and outsource what you can.
• Move bit by bit – if you get the keys a few days before you move everything, go in to the new house and do some cleaning and start taking some boxes. This can give a sense that things are happening, and also makes the task seem not quite so big. This is also an opportunity to do things like make sure there is toilet paper in the toilets and you know what room is for what purpose.
• Work out what is important – when you unpack, work out what is most important to you. Other than making the beds, I like to get the kitchen organised and books in the bookshelves. This helps me feel like I’m ‘home’. My brother comes in and sets up the TV and the tech for me, but it’s the bookshelves that help the place feel like home to me.
• Do what works for you – there are hundreds of articles with tips on how to make things go smoother for a move… my biggest tip is to do what works for you. It can feel completely overwhelming and it is a big job. If just chucking everything in boxes so they can just be moved takes some stress out, then do that. If employing people to pack up the house helps, then do that. If spending time packing and labelling boxes and marking them with QR codes so you know what is in every box works for you, then do it. It’s your move, so move your way.

If you are moving soon, I hope these tips help.

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I like the theory, but practice is something else entirely.

Over the years, especially since my kids were small, I have tried many different methods of meal planning. From sitting with my mum each week to do a plan, to having Hello Fresh boxes delivered (this worked well until my kid was diagnosed coeliac), to having a whiteboard where I could write down meals, to… whatever else I’ve tried over the years.

I’ve realised that this is part of executive dysfunction as well as time blindness, and not knowing what I will feel like eating or have the energy to cook on any given day.

For me, meal planning ended up being more stressful, and costing more money, especially if I ended up throwing out fresh ingredients that I didn’t end up using…

Instead, I have a few set meals on high rotation and I have the standard ingredients in the fridge and freezer.

At the moment, this includes:

• Pasta sauce – ingredients are mince, tinned tomato, frozen veggies (or any leftover veggies in the fridge), and seasonings, gluten free pasta
• Pizza – pizza bases, pizza sauce, shredded ham, pineapple, mushrooms, capsicum, olives, cheese, anchovies (my kid loves these)
• Sausages & veggies – kid like sausages, I have chops or something else, kid has chips, I have potato gratin, and veggies (I keep a variety of frozen ones on hand, or get prepared ones I can cook in the microwave)
• Mushroom risotto – made in the thermomix with mushrooms, arborio rice, onion, garlic (I keep crushed garlic in the fridge) and a few other ingredients
• Chicken in mustard sauce – chicken, frozen veggies, jar of simmer sauce, rice

There are a few others, like tacos, but these are our main ones right now. Most of the ingredients I keep on hand so I can decide on the night what I feel like cooking. With things like pasta sauce, I make it up and then freeze the rest so I can thaw it out on the nights when I’m tired and don’t have the energy to cook from scratch.

I have found with these staples that most ingredients I can keep in the pantry or freezer, and buy the fresh ingredients when I feel like it. For example, with pizza, I keep things like the olives and pineapple on hand, and buy the mushrooms and capsicum when I’m ready to make pizza.

It does mean I end up at the supermarket more often, however I find that this is less overwhelming for me as I’m doing smaller shops and don’t have to remember a longer list, whether or not I have remembered to write one out!

It also means that I’m being kind to my brain. I don’t have to think more than a couple of days ahead when I’m shopping, and this is less stressful for me.

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When I was younger, I was constantly told that things had to be put away. That meant that nothing was on the kitchen bench.

This never worked for me for a variety of reasons, mostly to do with executive dysfunction.

These days, I have a different philosophy.

I put things where they will be used. If this means they are on the bench, then so be it.

I have a knife block on the kitchen bench instead of keeping sharp knives in the drawer.

I have a jar next to my stove that has the wooden spoons and similar utensils so they are ready to be used.

I have containers next to my kettle that have the most used tea bags in them.

This is a small example of what lives on my kitchen bench.

These things are there so they are ready to be used. It saves me time and energy looking for whatever it is that I need. I am also less likely to get distracted while cooking!

It also helps with my slow method of putting things away as I can, for example, put away just the knives, and I feel like I’ve done a thing.

These things all have their spaces on the bench and are placed neatly. The containers (mostly) look nice (I’m in the process of upgrading them so they look pretty), and have their purpose.

As well as the containers, there are hooks near the stove for the oven mits so they are also on hand ready to use.

Having the items I use most easy to reach saves a lot of searching, which helps my executive functioning, and generally makes my life easier.

I just need to remember to show support workers where things go!

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This has had an interesting consequence. I would look at a bin that was nearly full and think ‘it’s not time to empty it yet’. This would then lead to me leaving the bin until it was overflowing as I would forget about it.

Another thing was the feeling that someone else should empty the bin… but that’s a whole other post.

I have realised that you don’t have to wait for the bin to be full before emptying it.

Instead, I now wait until the bin is mostly full before emptying it.

Often, the trigger is the lid doesn’t close very well. It’s a swing top, so doesn’t take much to get in the way of the lid!

Another trigger is a feeling that I ‘should’ be doing something, and emptying the bin is a small job that can be done in a few minutes, often while waiting for the kettle to boil, so I feel productive.

The biggest thing I need to remember is putting in a new bin bag! I work hard at not getting distracted before putting in the new bag.

I don’t know if anyone else needs to hear this, but you don’t have to wait until the rubbish bin is full to overflowing before emptying it.

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It is also one of the tasks I manage to keep on top of, at least most days.

I thought I’d share my process in case it helps someone else.

Before I start, I do work from home, so my process works when you have some time to break the task into smaller steps.

The first thing I do is stack any plates and bowls in the sink, in order of size so they fit neatly. I also put any cutlery in the sink, though any sharp knives are left on the side. These collect during the day or couple of days between washes.

Any mugs, glasses, saucepans, or anything else is piled on the sideboard ready to be washed.

When I’m ready, often it’s when I’m having a break in work and waiting for the kettle to boil, I will fill the water with very hot, soapy water, and put any mugs and glasses that can fit in the sink too. I make sure the sink is full and all the dishes are covered with water. Then I move on and do something else. Step one done.

Later, when the water has cooled to a temperature I can put my hands in, I wash what is in the sink. This has all been soaking so it’s fairly simple to wipe everything over and put it in the rack. I then wash what is on the side. Sometimes I will put a saucepan in to soak while I go away and do something else.

I wash as many dishes as I can stack in the drying rack!

If there are dishes that still need washing and I have run out of room, I often leave them for next time. Occasionally, I will dry a few things to make sure there is room, but more often than not, I leave them, sometimes with some water so they can soak until next time I do the dishes.

Once I have washed everything, I empty the sink and leave the dishes to dry on their own.

The dishes are put away in stages. Often when I come to boil the kettle, I will put away a few dishes. I just make sure they all away before it’s time to wash the next lot of dishes.

This may seem like a long process, however it works for me. By breaking it down into stages like this, it doesn’t seem like such a big job, and the dishes get done most days.

Sometimes, it’s two days before the dishes are done, mostly due to my own energy levels. With only two of us in the house, we don’t build up a huge amount of dishes.

I hope this can help with some strategies for staying on top of the dishes, bit by bit.

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I didn’t know about executive dysfunction at that time.

When we moved into this house, we didn’t have an outside washing line for over a year, so had to come up with another option to hang out the washing.

Thankfully, we have space in our laundry for a clothes rack and a hanging rack, so I hang any tops and dresses on clothes hangers and anything else on the clothes rack. I put sheets and towels in the dryer.

One thing I noticed with this process is that hanging the clothes directly from the washing machine has meant that things are put up right away. Removing the step of putting the wet clothes in the washing basket then taking them outside to hang has made the whole process so much easier! Not to mention that it doesn’t matter if the clothes are left there for days as they won’t get rained on.

Even after the landlord installed an outside washing line, I continue to hang the washing in the laundry. The process works much better for me and my brain, not to mention days when I am in pain, I don’t have to lift my arms above my head, causing more pain.

Currently, the only washing that tends to go on the line is when I wash things like the mattress protectors and dry them in the sun, partly because they don’t fit on the lines inside, also because they need airing outside.

As this is working so well, next time I move, I want somewhere that has a decent sized laundry so I can continue to hang clothes like this.

An added bonus is that I fold clothes directly from the rack and put it away in stages as I get around to it, so I rarely have baskets of clean washing that needs to be folded and put away!

Honestly, I wish I had thought of this sooner.

This is one of the little things I’ve been doing to change the way things happen so it suits me, not some notion of how things ‘should’ be done.

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A number of years ago, I was listening to a discussion on the radio talking about how often people wash their towels, and I couldn’t remember the last time I had changed the towels in the bathroom! My kids towels got changed fairly regularly as they would get dirty with cleaning up after muddy football matches or other games, however that wasn’t consistent. The discussion said that towels need to be changed at least once a week.

At that time, we had a cleaner who came every Friday, and this started the routine of changing the towels on a Friday that has continued since then.

Every Friday, all the towels and bathmats are washed, regardless of how often they have been used in the week. Then fresh towels and bathmats are put out. This includes the mats in the toilet. Recently, I added the tea towels and dishcloths to make sure they are changed regularly too.

There are some towels that aren’t used very often, but that doesn’t matter. If needed, they are changed more frequently, but always changed on a Friday too.

By having the trigger of our cleaner coming and making sure the task is done on the same day every week, I make sure our towels are changed at least weekly.

The towels are washed and dried on a Friday, that doesn’t mean they are always folded up and put away on the same day… but they are clean and ready for use the following week when they will be needed once more.

Do you have any clever tips for making sure your towels are changed regularly?

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