When I arrived, I stood at the door for around 15 minutes. No one came up to speak to me and I didn’t know what was going on. I had a mini meltdown and spent time beating myself up about being overwhelmed, especially as I used to attend networking events all the time, and ran a business network myself! Until a lady came up to see if I was OK. She got me a glass of water and some tissues and chatted until I calmed down. She also walked in with me and helped me meet some people, making the whole thing less scary.

Overall, I am glad I was able to stay, it got me thinking of some tips for organisers of networking events to make their events more inclusive and easier for neurodivergent business owners. Note that these are based on my experiences and not all will apply to everyone.

1. Have someone on the door greeting people – This is something I made sure was at all the events I ran and the best ones I attended also had someone at the door. This was a person who had a job to tick of names, welcome people, hand out goodie bags or information if they were there, as well as letting people know what was happening and where to go.
2. Name tags – this may sound a bit old fashioned or too much like school, however name tags can be really helpful, especially in places that are loud and you may not immediately remember someone’s name or find the place is overwhelming so you forget. Having a simple name tag with the person’s name and business can also help get an idea of who to talk to for those of us who are told to look for a particular person or industry.
3. Drink options – if there is alcohol, have nice non-alcoholic options available and on display in the same way alcoholic are. Not everyone drinks wine for a variety of reasons and a business networking event is not usually a place to get drunk. It can be awkward asking where other drink options are, especially if staff are not obvious.
4. Labels for food – if you are serving food, include labels for what is on offer, including any allergens. Again, it can be awkward asking about allergens, especially if staff are not obvious.
5. Staff working the event – if there are staff working at the event, make it obvious. Whether it’s a simple thing like a name tag, a lanyard or a uniform. This can help attendees find someone if they have any questions about things like food and drink, what is happening on the night, or even directions to the bathroom.
6. Introduce people – keep an eye out for people on the fringes, those who are standing there and not talking to anyone. Go up to them and introduce yourself and bring them in to conversations. If the lady hadn’t stopped to ask how I was, I would have gone home! I’m not great at making the first move, especially in a room of people already talking who seem to know each other.
7. Agenda – having someone keep an eye on timing and letting people know when the formal part of the event is over (so they have permission to leave if needed) is helpful. The agenda doesn’t need to be public, having someone keeping an eye on time and what is happening, and making announcements, can help participants know what is going on.

This is by no means a complete list, however I hope that they may help others when planning networking events to help them be more inclusive. These are things that would have been really helpful for me at the event I went to on Friday night, and these are things that were at events I attended in the past.

Are there things you would add to this list?

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For example, I could set a goal to have a certain number of people attend a workshop, however them actually signing up is out of my control. I could have the best program in the world, but there are other factors that may prevent people signing up, and that may mean I don’t achieve that goal. Even though these factors are out of my control, I feel bad that the goal wasn’t achieved, and it unlocks a PDA response that I’m not good enough.

Today, I heard about NICE Goals.

NICE stands for:

N = near term (close enough that it feels real)

I = input based (things you are going to DO)

C = controllable (things you have control over)

E = energising (a goal that lights you up)

I kind of like these ones.

These are short term goals, a timeframe I can actually visualise. As it’s based on me with input and control, these are things I can actually do. Adding to it that it’s something that lights me up, rather than things like SMART goals that involve tasks that drain me of energy (like making lots of phone calls to get people to come to the workshop), it makes it more likely that I’ll do it.

I’ve been thinking about this all day.

For me, a NICE goal can include things like finishing the manuscript of a book, or a round of edits. It’s not about selling a certain number of books or getting reviews, both are things I have no control over.

Reading about NICE goals today has started to change my thinking about goal setting. I already know that I can’t do SMART goals, but I think I’ll give NICE goals a try for a while and see how that goes. It might actually help me get some of the many stories I have sitting unfinished completed!

Thanks to Sam Winch for introducing me to NICE goals.

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Back in 2002, I started a business. It was the first mums in business network in Australia. I started it because I couldn’t find support to start a business so I could be home with my then 6-month-old baby. I had no idea what I wanted to do, but I knew I wanted to work from home so I could earn money and be home with my kid.

In the 9 or so years I ran this business, I was also a consultant for a scrapbooking company, teaching people how to make scrapbooks, I did market stalls selling goods made by people in the network (I said it was part of business…), I also made jewellery and played around with selling it online. In essence, I couldn’t decide on just one thing to do!

I would think that I’m doing these things to help make more money to pay the bills… that everything was helping the family to stay afloat. Yes, I was in survival mode even then.

The fact that I couldn’t stick to just one thing should have been an indicator that I was ADHD…

I worked really hard to grow my business, to follow all the ‘advice’ out there and follow their lead. It didn’t work. I ended up burned out and by the time I was told I had to ‘get a job’ because I was a single mum, I was kind of glad to close the business and get a job.

Even when I got a job, that is when I got back to creative writing… but that’s another post.

This business reflection is another thing I look back on and ask why it took so long to realise I’m AuDHD.

Oh, and I still can’t settle on just one business idea!

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I have realised that my phone is a pretty good representation of my energy levels.

When I do things, my energy levels go down a lot faster than they used to, and I need more down time.

This could be as simple as having a nap during the day, or a longer lunch break. There are times when I need days to recover from activity.

If I have something on in the evening, I need to be able to have a slow start the next day. That means not starting before 10am (early appointments are an absolute no on those days).

This is also something I need to consider in any pricing structure for what I do. I can’t have back-to-back meetings with clients, they need to be spaced out, this means I have to take this into account with what I charge. For example, I can’t have three one-hour clients between 9am and 12 noon. If I do this, I will burn out. Instead, I could have two with a break in between.

I used to think there was something wrong with me not being able to work constantly like others seem to be able to do. I now know this is simply how my body operates.

Part of me accepting my ‘new normal’ and working with my brain is realising that I need plenty of recharge time. I need that time watching mindless shows on TV and doomscrolling, or taking a long shower, or simply not being ‘productive’. This is not a ‘nice to have’ it is an absolute need.

I am still learning how to embrace it, bring it into the everyday, and make it work for me instead of doing everything to work against it.

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I’ve had this most of my life, and most recently as today.

I was reaching out, yet again, for some support with business, looking for someone who could help me do things to suit my brain through the various programs I get offered.

I mentioned some struggles and was told ‘maybe something you’re doing is wrong’.

This made me quite annoyed. I had done what I had been told. I got someone to write my sales copy and put it out there, and no one signed up.

I had followed the steps I was told to follow, and didn’t get the results promised.

And somehow, I’m wrong?

One of the things I find most frustrating in these situations is people tell me I’m wrong, but don’t tell me how to do things right or change things, or assistance to try something new to see if it works.

I keep reflecting on life and realise that so many times I am told I am wrong, even when I follow the steps that have been set out for me.

People wonder why I don’t have confidence in myself, and this is so much a part of it…

The sort of support and help I’m looking for is from those who can hold my hand and held me do things my way, do them right, and to help me show the world I’m all kinds of amazing. That sort of support has to be out there somewhere…

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I used to believe all the stuff about changing my mindset to be towards success or money or whatever it was. I would work really hard, following all the steps, and then feeling like there was something wrong with me when it all came crashing down as it wasn’t working.

Lately I have realised that there is absolutely nothing wrong with my mindset.

The thing that’s wrong is the assumption from others that there is something wrong with it.

My brain is neurodivergent, it is wired differently. I see things the way I see them, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Years of experience have shaped the way I look at the world, and most of that was before I knew I was autistic and ADHD.

I see patterns in things around me.

When it comes to money, I have seen what happens when I make budget that don’t feel right to me just to tick someone elses boxes. I need a different approach that has nothing to do with mindset.

When it comes to success, my view doesn’t fit the boxes that others have. I have been told that my dreams aren’t big enough (see other posts I’ve done on this) and I have to change my mindset. I have a different view of success and what it means to me. It has nothing to do with mindset.

These days, whenever I see someone spruik a course or program about changing your mindset for success, I run a mile.

I’m not going to spend any more time changing my mindset, at least not in the way others tell me I should. Instead, I’m going to focus on learning more about my brain and working with it, instead of trying to change it.

There is nothing wrong with my mindset at all.

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Fluctuating energy levels isn’t something that many people talk about. I am pretty sure this is part of my AuDHD make up. My energy can be impacted by external factors, such as how much I need to mask and my social battery, and internal factors such as hormones. Things such as barometric changes can impact things too.

One thing I want to do is learn how to work with my energy levels. This could include things such as having space in the day to take a nap, as well as planning my work tasks to fit around my energy, such as not scheduling too much in a day, and not limiting myself to working in traditional hours, at the same time not overdoing things.

Working to my energy levels is going to be a challenge as I have some tasks that dictate working during regular office hours… part of what I want to be doing is less of those tasks and more of the ones that are more flexible.

This is also a huge mindset shift as I’ve been told to work during ‘business hours’… even from business coaches the message is the same… work to hours. The idea of working to energy levels seems to be something that they either haven’t heard about or it is a concept that they think isn’t worth thinking about.

I have decided that, where possible, I will work to my energy levels. If I have the energy to work on the weekend or evening, I’m going to run with it. If I need a nap on a weekday, then I’ll do it.

This is all part of learning to work with my brain instead of against it… wish me luck.

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The other day I stumbled across a post on Instagram that spoke about accomplishments and what they look like for neurodivergent people. You can see that post here.

The post mentions that our sense of accomplishment feels more like relief, and that our joy is found in the little moments of whimsy in the everyday.

This got me thinking and wondering.

What if the fact my brain doesn’t recognise successes as a success in the way society sees them, and that’s why I forget about them?

What if my successes are all the ‘silly’ little stories and poems I write, simply the act of writing them, not necessarily the publishing of them, and that’s why I’m happy to have written them & share them when I can, but putting them into a format that others see as ‘finished’ simply isn’t the end goal for me?

What if it is actually the journey that is my sense of accomplishment, not actually a finished product?

What if this is part of the reason I find so many programs and life in general so draining as I’m trying to find success and accomplishment in all the things others find important?

What if this is why I love coming up with the ideas, but the implementation is something else entirely? It’s the idea that is my sense of accomplishment, not necessarily seeing it come to life…

While I love the fact I have books published and people buy and enjoy them, I have so many that are in varying stages of completion, and that doesn’t worry me at all. Getting to the point where a new book is ‘out there’ does fill me with relief and I’m glad it’s over so I can move on to something else.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this thought… it’s all part of reframing my life and how I view things. I don’t know how to implement this into something that will sustain me financially, but it’s something to think about…

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I’m getting really frustrated at companies asking for feedback after every single interaction. It’s getting crazy!

The other day, I contacted a company to get off their SMS list… and they sent me an SMS asking how they did! The irony of that was not lost on me, but probably not something the company picked up.

Not to mention that staff can get in trouble if there’s anything less than a stellar, five out of five star review.

For me, three out of five means that I’m happy, I got what I came for. On GoodReads, three stars means that I enjoyed the book. A five out of five would mean the company has blown me away with their service… however the companies seem to see a five-star review as doing their job satisfactorily.

I understand why companies constantly ask for reviews. Various algorithms will give companies with good reviews priority. Companies want to get perfect reviews as there are some customers who want those reviews to decide where to go.

On the other hand, as a consumer, I want to get the product or service I need, and get on with my day. I don’t want to spend ages writing reviews, especially when the expectation is 5 out of 5 every time.

Honestly, if the companies want a five out of five rating as the only acceptable rating, surely they should go with a thumbs up or thumbs down version? It would certainly make it easier for the customers…

Also, why do I need to give feedback after every single interaction? For some companies, it seems to be overkill, and almost desperate. Especially when it’s a company I use often…

As I said at the start, this is more of a whinge than anything else, something that is frustrating, but I mostly ignore now. I have simply stopped giving feedback unless the service is mindblowing and it’s worth my time leaving that feedback.

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Back when I ran my last business, we were encouraged to set a BHAG – a Big Hairy Audacious Goal.

A goal that was huge and seemed crazy.

Even then, my brain struggled to compute this.

I wanted to empower mums to have businesses, and the more the better.

I did not want the big house or the fancy car.

I was told my goals weren’t big enough.

I was told this on multiple occasions. I was told that the goals ‘had’ to be fame and fortune, essentially, even if it wasn’t quite in those words.

Dreams for a small, neat house, in an area I want to live, and a quiet life wasn’t good enough. We had to want a mansion…

Now that I’m learning more about my brain, and looking at what I actually want, I still struggle with the feeling that I have to have a BHAG, that I must want to be rich and famous, and balance that with what I actually want to do.

Honestly, I want a quiet life. I want to write my stories and run my workshops and just do my thing.

The idea of a mansion freaks me out. How would I keep it clean??? Not to mention I’m only one person, I need space, but not quite that much.

I need a car that gets me from one place to another, I don’t need a fancy car.

Having a BHAG doesn’t motivate me to move on, it doesn’t make me want to strive for more, it completely freaks me out and lands me in freeze mode.

I am working hard to adjust the way I see life, and one of those is to forget those BHAGs and leave them to the people who find them motivating.

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