Last week was Carers Week. The one week of the year where the media talk about how wonderful carers are and what an important job we do, and we’re invited to attend lunches or morning teas… but nothing much changes.
There is so much that bugs me about this week. The biggest is that I can remember being told not to talk about my struggles in case it makes my kids feel bad… so I kept it all to myself and burned out, with huge consequences for the family. I’m not the only one who is told this.
Because we are told to keep things to ourselves, others don’t see our struggles either, especially when we’re juggling work, appointments, housework, and everything else with less than adequate supports. Then people wonder why we end up burned out.
Carers, whether we care for kids with disabilities & chronic illnesses, or our parents, or other loved ones, need more support, practical support.
I know that I could have done with more money so I didn’t have to try to juggle work with caring for my kids & all their appointments. I could have done with a cleaner & someone to cook some meals for me to take that off my shoulders. Someone to talk to, so say ‘yes, this is hard’ instead of constantly telling me to be positive & have ‘self-care’… I needed community care. I was lucky that I did have some support from my family and church, but it wasn’t nearly enough.
One of the biggest things is that I wish I had been able to share my story of how being a single parent & carer to two chronically ill kids with complex needs impacted me… even now, I don’t talk about this much, except in private groups with other parents. There is no doubt we love our kids and will do anything for them, but it’s also very difficult and it takes its toll.
I wish carers got more supports, and we were encouraged to talk about it, rather than hiding it… maybe one day I’ll be able to speak out…
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