I was talking with someone a few weeks ago who was saying I was focusing too much on what I can’t do… it hit me this morning that that is not entirely correct.
I’m not focusing on what I can’t do, but more on what I feel I ‘should’ do…
I feel like I ‘should’ be doing more workshops, even though they drain energy.
I feel like I ‘should’ be doing many of the tasks I’ve always been doing because that’s the responsible thing to do and I don’t want to let people down.
I feel like I ‘should’ be ‘doing business’ and getting more clients and growing things.
I feel like there are so many should’s in my life that is taking the focus, instead of doing what I really want to be doing.
With all of the ‘shoulds’, it’s not that I can’t do them. I have the skills and experience, even if my exhaustion gets in the way right now, after all, I know how to use 5 different accounting software, but that doesn’t mean I should be working as a bookkeeper.
When I allow myself to go back to the things I enjoy, so many shoulds come tumbling in telling me that it’s a waste of time or that I should be doing something that will make more money in one go (eg run a workshop instead of write a book, as a workshop will bring in more money right away, but a book won’t see any money for ages, then I only make a few dollars per sale).
All of these shoulds are from years of social conditioning around what makes an adult and a productive and valuable member of society. They don’t come from a single source, and it’s challenging to untangle myself from that.
Reflecting on all of this, I am realising that I’m not focusing on the things I can’t do, because they are things I can do, I have the skills and knowledge and experience, and can always learn. It’s more that I’m focusing on the things I feel that I should do, the things I’ve been told are valuable and will make me a responsible adult, rather than the things I want to do, that light me up, that bring me joy, and, yes, also do bring me money…
I’m a work in progress, and now that I’m aware of this, I need to focus more on eliminating the shoulds from my mind.
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