I saw a post on Facebook where someone was talking about not only believing IN themself, but also believing themself. This post resonated with me so strongly as I have learned not to believe myself.
Believing in myself has been something that I do often. I set a goal and a plan and say ‘in order to do this, all I need is whatever tools, or skills’ and then work hard. If things don’t come to plan, I either work harder, or give up and chalk it up to yet another failure.
I would think there is something wrong with me.
That somehow I am the failure, that I am broken.
That my belief in myself is misguided somehow.
If I thought I couldn’t do something, or didn’t want to do something, I would work on changing my mindset and working hard to do whatever it was. Basically, I wouldn’t believe myself to know what I needed and my own capabilities.
Here’s the thing that I’ve realised.
There is nothing wrong with my mindset.
If I think I can’t do something, or it doesn’t sit right with me, it has absolutely nothing to do with mindset.
There is something else at play.
This could be to do with executive dysfunction, or it’s simply not something that lights me up, or it’s a skill I wish I didn’t have, or something else entirely. It could simply mean that I need extra supports.
The funny thing is that I also don’t believe myself when I’m good at something!
I look at my stories and think ‘oh that’s just a silly little story, it’s nothing’. In actual fact, my stories are awesome, they are quirky and funny and deserve to be shared.
I am learning to believe myself.
To see that sometimes can’t means that I really can’t and need someone else to do it.
To see that the things I’m awesome at are actually awesome.
To believe that I am the expert on me.
This is a journey, and it’s tough, but I’m getting there.
Part of this is unlearning the years of not believing myself or listening to myself and pushing through because I felt like that was what was expected.
It’s time to believe me.
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