For most of my life, I have been running on autopilot. Following a path I feel like has been set out for me. You go to school, then university, get married, have kids… basically doing what I was told. It didn’t always work out that well, but I did it.
My kids are now adults and, for what feels like the first time in my life, I don’t have responsibilities the way I did. I can live my life for myself.
It’s an interesting stage. Most of those I know who have grown up kids have a partner. I haven’t had a partner for 18 years.
I have started looking at what it is I actually want to do, instead of what I feel like I should be doing, or doing whatever just to make ends meet.
The more I look and dig deeper into who I am, the more I feel like I’m digging for buried treasure.
There are all these amazing gifts that have been hidden below the surface. Things that I may have forgotten about over the years.
I am rediscovering a magic inside me that has been lying there, hidden, waiting for me to come to a point where I can see it once more.
I am also finding that my autistic ADHD brain has joys and delights that I didn’t realise were there in my effort to fit in. There is so much magic to be found when my brain is able to be itself.
I am still learning and exploring, finding hidden treasures. ‘This exploration is also scary at times, realising that so many things I’m good at aren’t actually things that suit me, even though they are useful skills to have. It’s also exciting. I never know what treasure I may find next.
One thing I know for sure, I am going to embrace the treasure and start living in a way that suits me, that will let the magic shine through.
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